Morning Madness: My Morning Routine!
Written By: Brandi Salters
Let’s be honest—do our morning routines ever go exactly how we imagine them the night before? You know, that dreamy little plan where everyone wakes up smiling, birds are chirping, breakfast magically appears, and no one is yelling about mismatched socks?
Yeah, no. Not in this house. Not with two little humans who think “sleeping in” means 6:02 a.m. sharp.
But! I do try my best to make mornings as efficient and chaos-free as possible—while also prioritizing a little self-care (and by self-care, I mostly mean hiding in the bathroom for ten minutes).
Let me walk you through my “routine” (and I use that word very loosely):
6:15 a.m. – The TV Time Treaty
My 8-year-old son is allowed to watch an educational show only after 6:15 a.m., which means at 6:14, he’s pacing the living room eagerly waiting. Once he hits that magical minute, he grabs a healthy “breakfast” snack (sometimes…usually), and settles in like it’s movie night.
6:20 a.m. – Bathroom Zen (Sort of)
This is my sacred 10-minute window of solitude. I measure my heart rate variability using an app (because science!) to see if I’m ready for a workout or if my body is still recovering from…life. I also squeeze in a scripture reading for spiritual grounding.
Important note: I do all of this while sitting on the toilet with the door locked, pretending I’m in a luxury spa. Naturally, by minute five, my 4-year-old daughter has located me like a tiny heat-seeking missile and is climbing into my lap. While I’m on the toilet. Meditating.
7:00 a.m. – The Great Sibling Search Begin
My son is responsible for finding his sister and kick-starting their joint morning routine. That includes:
Making beds (military style)
Brushing teeth (with the toothpaste actually making it onto the toothbrush this time)
Washing faces
Getting dressed (thanks to Mom laying out clothes like a mini fashion stylist the night before)
Meanwhile, I’m in the kitchen channeling my inner lunch-packing ninja, whipping up breakfast, snacks, and lunch boxes while doing a mental roll call to make sure nobody’s missing a shoe or a permission slip.
7:20a.m. – Beauty Prep: Vaseline Edition
Once the kids sit down to eat, it’s go time for Operation: Moisturized. I brush their hair and slather on enough Vaseline to make them glisten, like really glisten. My son’s friends thinks he sweating most of the time. Ashiness is NOT an option.
7:40 a.m. – The Frantic Fling Out the Door
I take a quick pic in the hallway of the kiddos before we dash out like contestants on “The Amazing Race: Car Line Edition.” I pray over them, drop them off, wave lovingly like a calm and collected mom, and then… drive home, stare at the wall for five full minutes, and try to process what just happened.
And that, is the glamorous life of a mom’s morning routine.
What’s yours like? Tell me I’m not the only one meditating on the toilet while holding a toddler and trying to remember if I already made my matcha green tea or just thought about making it.
